GREG GUTFELD: Florida is the “opposite” of the system

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Let’s have a monologue, okay? But does that disgust you, Judge? I hope so.

So, as you know, people left the blue states in droves to come and live here. AOC also visited her boyfriend, perhaps to air his bad feet. Look at those things. Last time I saw fingers this ugly, I was watching “Jurassic Park.” And for the most part, leftist leaders are too stubborn to admit that it was their waste policies that made people like Kat flee the police. Here is New York Governor Kathy Hochul.

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GOVERNMENT. KATHY HOCHUL: Fight to bring the government back into the hands of the people and out of the hands of the dictators. And we’re here to say the era of Trump, Zeldin, and Molinaro, just hop on a bus and head to Florida where you belong. Good? Get out of town. Get out of town because you don’t represent our values. You are not New Yorkers.

Well, we took his advice and here we are. Let’s hope he didn’t follow us here on his broomstick. But it seems like a lot of people are following his advice, just not for his eyebrows. She gives her that surprised look on her face, like when you accidentally sit on a child’s toy. I said by mistake. Or maybe she’s as shocked as we are that she won. If those eyebrows get higher, they’ll turn into wings. But she is the embodiment of the flaw in leftist thinking.

Anything they think should be negative about Florida is something its people wear with pride, like a red, white, and blue Speedo. For example, when Governor DeSantis ended the COVID lockdowns and reopened businesses and schools, places like New York said, “You have blood on your hands, DeSatan. We need to keep our kids home and get dressed up and do a double mask”. if he’s on Zoom and triple mask if Jeffrey Toobin is on the phone.”

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And as Florida pushed to engage children in school learning, places like San Francisco were more interested in renaming schools after Che Guevara Elementary and Ho Chi Minh High. It sounds pretty good. The results: Florida is doing great, but kids in other states can’t add and subtract because they’re two grades behind. It’s so bad that the average freshman is Joy Beyer-level reading.

I just hired a 6th grader from Fort Lauderdale to manage my estate, which is mostly bronze coins from Roseland Capital. Thanks to Biden, my 401K is 401 no good. Kids in lockdown states, well, they’re so dumb, this year’s most popular boy’s name was Bozo. But that’s what you get when you have a system that believes in government more than the people it governs.

But Florida is the opposite. It’s ground zero for parental rights. You don’t have it in for drag queens. You just don’t want to be taught to twerk in kindergarten, right? I say wait until an appropriate age, like fifth grade, when liberal sex educators teach them to put a condom on a banana while blindfolded. But if you want to have a say in your brat’s education, Florida, I’m on your side.

And what about law and order? During the hurricane, your governor supported citizens standing their ground against looters. Who was that? Someone had a coronary. Translation: Shoot him if you caught him. Which is the only way to reduce looting. Meanwhile, in other cities, they’ve simply redefined theft as redistribution, which is the gist of most of the left.

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Meanwhile, in New York, if you enter Times Square, you will see this sign. Yes. Weapon-Free Zone. Yet you can’t walk through Times Square without being assaulted by a Disney character. Thanks to bail reform, Mickey is back on the street before you can say Winnie the Pooh Pooh. And for whom is this sign? The armed criminal? It can’t be because the average New York offender can’t read since he probably attended their public schools.

It is a perfect example of idiotic liberalism. They create more laws for the law-abiding, unaware that criminals are defined by not following the laws, especially when they are never incarcerated. In New York, you don’t just get a slap on the wrist when you’re caught, you get a pat on the back and you’re released. Hell, I used handcuffs more in my bedroom this year than NYPD all year. But it is so. Hegseth likes it.

Also, have you ever noticed how people who hate Florida will say the state map looks like a penis? So? Manhattan is shaped like an asshole. The kind you see on the sidewalk outside Starbucks. They call it twenty. Florida has some beautiful beaches filled with hot girls and thongs, and luckily, most of them are women. Now, nothing looks worse in a thong than a girl who has what looks like the outline of Florida in her banana hammock. In New York, however, the beaches are a cross between a sushi bar and a needle exchange program. We’ve outgrown hepatitis C. It’s Hep L, M, N, O and P now.

And finally in Florida, you have beautiful wildlife, from tropical birds to delightful dolphins. In New York there are pigeons with rapsheets, fish with Adderall addictions, and rats with gang tattoos. And they too are thinking of retiring here. Can you blame them?

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